Dir. David Blue Garcia | Now Streaming On: Netflix | Rating: 1/5

The discourse on the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre has been engaging, especially as we begin to think critically about it’s source material. So here I am, throwing my hat in the ring.

This was a mess. The story is nonexistent, the characters are flat, the movie flies by in 86 minutes but still manages to be boring. In the opening scenes, it was encouraging to see a more diverse cast. This feeling is fleeting, as they end up killing off all the characters of color anyway, without giving them any substance. One could argue that none of these characters have substance, but poor representation shouldn’t be accepted as a bare minimum. Quality representation should be the minimum expectation.

The new film tries to emulate Halloween (2018) in its direct sequel style, by ignoring other sequels and featuring the return of the final girl, in this case Sally Hardesty. Sally’s character was horrible written and acted, leaving this trope to fall flat on an already desolate script.

Even with its brief runtime, the film attempts to comment on themes like gentrification, millennial culture, and the most obscure, gun violence. Lila, one of the main characters, is a survivor of a school shooting. Throughout her run-ins with Leatherface, we see what was meant to be a reclamation of her trauma. This could be an interesting element to incorporate into a slasher but this was so poorly done – it felt like a strange sidebar.

I’ll wrap this up with a hot take on the kills. I get it, after years of slashers, we’re running out of ways to kill people. But think about it – how sharp is a fifty year old rusty chainsaw? Several of these kills are so anatomically impossible and fantastical looking, it obliterates any suspension of disbelief. The original TCM offered a quirky grittiness that stood its own for its time. This remake brings none of the grit or wit of the original. Think of this as a must skip.

Know Before You Watch: Features extreme gore, blood, death, flashing lights.